


The One With Malarkey's Stash

by HatlessHoneybee



Series: The Misadventures of Curahee Complex - (Back Again) [8]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Marijuana, Minor Lewis Nixon/Richard Winters, This Is STUPID, all knowing spiers, and we hate sobel, mysterious spiers, nix and malark are friends you can't tell me different, sobel hates contraband, sorry roe isn't in this one, these boys are family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22086052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HatlessHoneybee/pseuds/HatlessHoneybee
Summary: With a surprise inspection from Sobel coming up, Malarkey has to deal with his usually tiny stash of pot plants. Only there's a problem. This season, the stash isn't so tiny.
Relationships: Buck Compton/Donald Malarkey, Donald Malarkey & Lewis Nixon
Series: The Misadventures of Curahee Complex - (Back Again) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/946959
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	The One With Malarkey's Stash

**Author's Note:**

> I am so so so sorry for my absence. I hope this makes up for it, but I know it won't. My writing is not up to par and I'm exhausted from EMT school and a death in the family. Please forgive me and please enjoy this. I finished this at four in the morning after a twelve hour shift at the hospital and two tests about stroke and mental assessments. Please forgive any mistakes in editing.
> 
> As always, I do not own anything! Band of Brothers is the property of HBO. This fic is not intended to insult of insinuate anything about the real veterans of the 101st airborn. It is a complete work of fiction and based solely on the fictional versions portrayed by the actors in the series. I intend no offense! - Bee

Malarkey was vegging on the couch when the news broke. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was laying on the couch in a pair of Scooby-Doo boxers and an old wife-beater, Iliza Shlesinger’s new comedy special playing on Netflix. It’s not like anybody in their apartment had any goddamn shame (ex. Muck who sings the soundtrack to Wicked in the shower and Penkala who leaves a list of his porn sites on the coffee table).

The knocking on the door might have been drowned out by Don’s uproarious laughter had it not been so frantic. Malarkey sighed and pressed pause, wondering if Buck had gotten off work early and just neglected to text him before coming by. However, the redhead was surprised to find a dark head of hair on the other side of the door belonging to Nixon.

“Hey, Nix,” Malarkey scratched at his bed-head. “What can I do for you?”

“I just found out from Carwood who found out from Spiers who got the info from who-fucking-knows, that Sobel is coming for a surprise inspection in about three days. He’s coming in to check all the apartments for anything that might be considered contraband,” Nixon was almost out of breath in the entrance to his apartment. His dark eyebrows were furrowed, and it took Malarkey a moment to put two and two together.

“Oh, Jesus, Fuck!” His hands came up to fist at his red hair.

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal,” Nixon tried to placate him. “You can hide your stash in my bar until the inspections are over.”

Malarkey groaned, rubbing his face vigorously. “It’s not that simple, Nixon.”

“What do you mean?” The older man was starting to get suspicious.

“Come with me,” Malarkey grabbed his friend by the arm and dragged him towards the room that should have been Malarkey’s, but it really wasn’t. Instead, it was filled with possibly twenty pot plants. In retrospect, it wasn't a lot, but it was more than the usual five plants that Malarkey kept to make a little extra income.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Don!" Nixon felt like he might have a heart attack, palm coming up to press over his chest.

"I know!" Don raised his voice to the same paniced level of Nixon. His eyes gazed out to the crop of plants in his room, feeling like he should shut the door, as if that would make the whole thing go away.

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"I don't know! I thought maybe I could rake in more cash this way!"

Nixon ran a hand over his face, itching at the slight beard that was growing. Malarkey had noticed that the brunette had began maintaining it around the time that he started dating Winters, insisting that the FBI agent found it ruggedly handsome. "Well there's no fucking way we can transport this shit in my Nissan without looking suspicious as fuck."

"Nix, look," Don turned to his older friend and placed his hands on Nixon's arms, his eyes boring imporingly into the man. "Maybe he won't notice."

It was a hard thing Nixon did, keeping himself from slapping the red right out of Malarkey's hair just for the sheer stupidity of that comment. Taking a deep breath, Nix tried to calm himself. "Don, we're talking about the man who found the stache of over 200 adderal bottles that Leibgott had stuffed inside one of Web's shark plushies. The same man who found Perco's porn and ragged on him about it being inappropriate in his damn building. The same man who is coming here in three days to come and report your ass to the cops for having twenty weed plants in your goddamn bedroom!"

"Oh, what the fuck am I gonna do?" Malark closed the bedroom door and marched back over to the couch, dropping down on it and putting his head in his hands. "Could I, like, rent a van?"

Nixon was already shaking his head. "No, you can't return a rented car when it'll be stinking of that mess. However, we may be able to fix this with a few extra hands."

Two hours later, Nixon and Malarkey had gathered a selection of the inhabitants of Curahee Complex in the middle of apartment apartment 2F. Muck and Penkala had come back, confused as hell about what everyone was doing in their apartment. Guarnere was sitting on the couch, a pinched expression on his face about all the hubub. Next to him was Toye and Luz, the former with an arm slung behind George's shoulders. Babe was standing behind the couch with Spina next to him, the pair exchanging shitty stories from their week. Leibgott was on his own, arms crossed and a nasty scowl on his face. Perconte was still reeling from having been woken up during his sleeping hours. All in all it was a room full of assholes, confused an annoyed at being called there.

"Okay, everyone listen up!" Nixon called, standing on the weird crate that the boys of 2F used as a coffee table. The bartender managed to capture the attention of the room. "Now, we all know, thanks to Spiers' spy skills, that Sobel is coming through in three days for another random inspection. This leaves us with a problem."

"Yeah, it leaves us all with a problem," Bill piped up with a roll of his eyes. "Thanks to that asshole, we gotta kick Babe off the couch 'cause the bastard won't let us have more people than rooms. Poor kids slummin' it in your office at the bar."

Nixon did not know that last bit of information.

"I had to get rid of all traces of Reginald," Luz pouted, which earned both a comforting rub on the back and an exhasperated eye roll, both from Toye.

"David's going out of his mind cleaning shit in our apartment, like some contraband shit is gonna pop out of the fucking bath tub if he ain't scrubbed it seven times," Leibgott added, beginning to take a cigarrette out of his pocket and light up. "What the fuck makes your problem so special?"

"Don, show them," Nixon ordered. Malark, who had been standing in corner the whole time, waved everyone over to his doorway. The group gathered and as soon as the door was thrown open there were gasps of encreduality and a series of curses spilling from everyone's mouths. Even Muck and Penk seemed surprised, evidentely having never gone in their roommates room. "That's our problem."

"Well, that is a big fuckin' problem," Bill agreed, going back to sit on the couch. "But what's it got to do with us?"

There were murmurs of agreement throughout the room. Nixon couldn't really blame them. He knew everyone here cared about eachother, always willing to band together like the brothers they were, but when Sobel came down for an inspection it was every man for himself.

Sighing, Nixon touched his head and felt a headache coming on. Honestly, the only reason he was concerned was because Malarkey was his friend and Nixon got a cut of the cash every time he let Don store the plants at his bar.

"Look, if I was Dick Winters, I'd tell you all that we're family and shit and that we gotta rally together to help a friend. But I'm Lewis-fucking-Nixon, so I'll ignore that bullshit and tell you all that if you don't help I won't serve you at the bar anymore."

This ellicited gasps of fear and shock. Suddenly, everyone was willing to throw their heads together and help.

"Where are the others?" Perco asked, raising his hand. He wasn't the only one who noticed the lack of other Curahee tenants at this meeting.

"Well, this requires a little finesse and a couple of guys who don't give a shit," Nix tried to explain. "Martin and Bull can't know, they run a damn security business. Harry's too busy with his new girl Kitty. Roe is living at the hospital this week. Webster would be horrified and start nagging, plus, as Lieb mentioned, he's freaked out enough."

"Yeah, that's my annoying, neurotic, Harvard boy," Leib interjected with a smirk.

"Right. Now, Carwood is too pure. We can't have him involved in something like this," A round of agreement went out along with that statement. "And, of course, Buck is an ADA, Dick is FBI, and Spiers is NSA. None of them can know, though, we all know that-"

"Spiers knows," everyone chorused with a tone that lacked surprise.

"So you assholes are the cream of the crop. Now, Malark and I have a general idea, but we need your help."

At this point Don came out of the corner and took Nixon's place. "Okay, so our plan is to move this out under the cover of night and put it in the basement of Nixon's bar. Only, we've only got one van. I borrowed the one we use to haul fertilizer from the gardening store. It'll get faster with more of you bastards and more vehicles. Volunteers?"

There was a series of murmurs going through the group, some of them seeming thoughtful and some of them seeming doubtful.

Finally, Babe raised a hand. "I'm pretty friendly with the guy who delivers our beer, Tab. Maybe I can talk him into sneaking us on of his trucks. Might move a good few."

"I might be able to get a delivery van from the factory," Bill shrugged. "But, don't count on it. I ain't gettin' fired over Malarkey's stache."

"Thanks guys," Malark let his shoulders sag a bit with relief. He still felt terrified of the whole ordeal, but with the help of his friends he felt a little better.

"Okay, then everyone meet here tomorrow night at midnight," Nixon announced. "Bill, Babe, let me know about those vans. Everyone get the hell out of here."

The group seemed to disperse with some grumping. Nixon was walking with Malarkey towards the door with a bit of fear in his eyes. "Man, if I hope this works. If I get caught, I'm not the only one in trouble. Fuck, Buck could get in trouble for having a boyfriend who got caught with twenty pot plants. I'm sure the district attorney would love that."

"Relax, Don," Nixon tried to reassure him. "With the boys helping we should get this taken care of tomorrow night. You'll be fine. Buck will be fine."

"Why will I be fine?" The pair looked up from where they lingered in the front doorway to find the man himself standing there. Buck Compton looked dashing in his work clothes, the blue of his button up emphasizing the blue of his eyes. Those bright eyes were now trained on his boyfriend and one of his best friends, both looking like they had gotten caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Nixon seemed to leave this to Malark, patting Buck on the shoulder and walking away with a comment about finding his own redhead. The ADA ignored Nixon and stepped further into Malarkey's space. "What was that about?"

Don shook his head. "Ignore it. How was your day?"

"Better now that I got you here," Buck grinned before ducking down and pressing his lips to Don's with a sense of familiarity that came with doing it every day for almost two months. He pulled back with a strange look on his face, his hands on Don's hips, fingers rubbing soothing circles in the skin underneath Don's henley. "Seriously, you seem nervous. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm just kinda stressed about work and money." Don tried to dismiss it.

Buck didn't seem to buy it, but he didn't bother pushing. Instead, tugged Don closer, one hand slipping down to grip tightly to the redhead's ass. "How about we head inside and see about relieving some of your stress?"

"Hell yeah," Don eagerly agreed, surging forward to kiss his boyfriend again, this time a little more ferverently. His arms reached up to wrap around Buck's broad shoulders, pressing his body to the stronger one before him.

"We still fucking live here!" Muck called from the living room, where he and Penkala were sitting on the couch with a clear view of the pair.

"Yeah, go fuck in Buck's apartment, you lovesick bastards." Penkala added.

Don and Buck laughed, taking their advice and heading towards the third floor. Nixon was right. It would be fine.

It was not fine. The group had gathered and were only able to round up two vans. Babe was, sadly, unable to talk Tab into loaning a company truck out to the kid to use in the middle of the night. Which meant they were gonna have to make multiple trips to the bar and the fact that they were hauling the plants out the back alley of the apartment made it all seem sketchy as hell to anyone who tried to look too close. The added trips to the bar made it even more likely that they could get stopped by a cop, risking everyone involved instead of just Don.

Don was about ready to call the whole thing off and take the fall instead of involving his friends. It was only then that a moving truck began to back into the alley. Everyone froze, watching as Spiers and Martin got out of the truck.

"You boys need help?" Spiers called to them all, his arms crossed and his face stern. Suddenly, the door to the alley opened up and Buck waltzed out, followed by Dick, Bull, Carwood, and Web.

"Took you long enough," Buck called, earning two frightening looks from the pair by the truck.

"What the hell?" Don gaped, looking over at his boyfriend and the friends that had come along with him. "What are you doing?"

"We're helping you move this shit out of the apartment. What's it look like?" Bull shouldered past Don. The new additions joined in with the group, starting to go up the stairs and begin hauling the plants back down. 

"How did you know?" Don turned to Buck who still remained by his side, a smug smirk on his face.

"Don, honey, I read guilt for a living. I knew you were hiding something. All it took was a conversation with Spiers and everything was out in the open. A quick chat with the rest of the guys and we got to work."

"Well how'd you get a moving van? Tell me you didn't rent it."

Buck was already shaking his head. "No we didn't rent it. We just told Spiers we needed it and he got it."

"But, why?"

"'Cause we care about you, Don." Dick assured him with a smile on his way by.

"Yeah," Carwood came and laid a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "You're family."

Don was stunned by the way everyone went out of their way to help him out of trouble. Even Webster, who seemed nervous as hell, put in his own bit of work moving the plants. It seemed, once again, the inhabitants of Curahee Complex got together to get someone out of the fire, like they always seemed to.

When the plants were all loaded, Don got everyone's attention. "Guys, thanks so much for helping me and putting yourselves at risk for this. I promise, once Sobel's inspection is done, I'll make some calls and load all this shit off to some other people. From now on, I'll stick to two plants in my closet like a college kid."

Everyone gave out their own sound of agreement, most of them making cracks at Don's own stupidity thus far. Still, they shrugged off his thanks and got back to work, no one seeming to mind much at sticking their neck out for their friend. No. For family.

"All right, the sooner we finish with this shit the sooner you can all get a free round at the bar, so hurry your asses up," Nix ordered. Had they not been trying to sneak around, the boys would have cheered.

It took two weeks, but after that night, Don made good on his word and was left with two, closet-sized plants, a heavy weight off his chest, and a group of friends he had never been more greatful for.

Of course, he still got busted during Sobel's inspection for leaving cat food on the fire escape for the stray cats. But, at least it wasn't illegal. So he had that going for him

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry guys. I am so disappointed in myself. I hope you enjoyed this. Please leave comments to give me feedback. I appreciate it. Thank you guys so much for understand and for reading. I am ever your servant.


End file.
